Gospel Laughs N’ Worship

On 28th October, Cachar Group and Pastor Marvelous host Gospel Laughs N’ Worship at NPC Valley Road from 2PM. Comedians include Erick Omondi, Dr. Ofweneke, MC. Jesse, Joey (U.S.A.), Dr. Shogo (Nigeria), and The Napsta (South Africa).

 Tickets go for Kshs 500 at the gate and Kshs 299 (advance) at Naivas Supermarket.

 Like the facebook page and follow the event on facebook and twitter.

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The Vault: October 2012

The Vault

The past Sunday, after church, I found myself rushing to meet up a friend (hereafter referred to as “my friend”) who was supposed to take me to an event I had only heard of just 15 hours prior. When my friend explained that the event was to be at the Kenya National Archives, I gave her that look that is supposed to tell someone, “is this some kind of a joke?” I had been to the National Archives before, and I did not see how an event would be held there … well, till we got there and were ushered upstairs, where I had never been to. What welcomed us when we got to where the event was to be held was half of the people on the dance floor with Ken the DJ playing Lecrae’s More. And that was my first impression of The Vault.

 The Vault is a bi-monthly gospel hip hop event which gives a platform to up and coming artists as well as seasoned artists to perform. It is held at the Kenya National Archives from 2PM to 6PM and the first hour, dubbed the hype session is a session for the Deejays to do their thing and ensure everyone is kept on their feet. It is the brain child of Dangee, whom I had the opportunity to say hi to thanks to my friend. This is my account of the first, of many subsequent Vault events, that I attended recently.

 My friend had a role to play in the event, and as a result, I got to sit at the VIP with her, how cool. Moreover, since – not being a hip hop fan – I had no idea of the artists who were going to perform, I needed someone in the know to break it down for me and she did a great job. The hype session extended till about 3:30PM and I must say, Ken the DJ is a really really great DJ, considering I had never heard of him. The MC, Othole, a producer, also did his best to hype the crowd. Within no time, the artists started performing.

 SPAT were first on stage because they had to leave early. The event could not have asked for better artists to perform. They did a good job with songs like Don’t Listen, Change and Celebrate keeping everyone on their feet. SoReal performed Let Go – a song I was hearing for the first time, like most songs that were performed, but whose chorus is still stuck in my head. What I liked about him is that he used exactly 10 minutes, which was the allocated time per artist. H3, who I got to hear has a Masters in Finance or something performed No Turning Back (which is a very good song) and Freedom. I am waiting for his new single, Fame, coming out this week. I hope someone will hook me up.

 Other performers included Maluda, who has a Barry White kind of Bass. If there is a guy who kept everyone on their feet, it is this guy. And he did it for a whole 25 minutes. We were introduced to a new artist called Sam who performed Amaizing Grace, another song which is stuck in my head. The fact that he came after Maluda did him little justice in that with all the jumping, most people had decided to take a breather. Moreover, I thought the song was kind of slow so people would not really jump up and down. Nevertheless, it was one of the best songs performed, according to me.

 My friend and I decided to get juice from The Vault Cafe which has other snacks like Hot Dogs, Samosas and Sodas. She complained that the cocktail was not too good, and I could say the same about the passion juice I took, especially considering the price. Next time I will take a soda. Also, I hope they introduce mango juice because my friend likes mango juice. We found Dan-Gee on stage performing Not Guilty and later a remake of the popular Sunday School song “If you are happy and you know.”

 What I will remember for a long long time about this event will be the performance of Nasara. He started with beat-boxing and the guy is like super talented. I had never seen anyone do it like that. Point Black, who is a secular artist, and his friend whose name I cannot remember were invited to freestyle. Again, I think the only place I have seen anyone freestyle better was in 8 Mile and I am not exaggerating. He is that good! He free-styled two songs, Nasara beat-boxing for him, and the second song totally blew me away. Later, Nasara performed Like Christ. Unfortunately, we had to leave just before the main artists of the day, Kelele Takatifu performed.

 Perhaps I should mention the good work done by DJ Priestly and DJ Joel, who were working alongside Ken the DJ; and the event’s sponsors Christ Powered Radio, Kelele Republic, xHoodz, Epic Concerts and Try Crew.

 My parting shot is that there are a lot of positives with the event. The only downside is time management, which I think the organisers should address. The event almost started on time, but some artists took more time on stage than they were allocated. At some point, we were given questionnaires on our view of the event, which I found to be a good way of getting to know how people view the event. You can follow the event on twitter, thevault254 and on facebook. It is an event I would recommend any hip hop fan not to miss. Make it a date on Dec 2 for the next edition.

Nice Guys verses Bad Guys

Nice guys finish last because they put their ladies first. – Anonymous

She was dating a pilot, a very wealthy one at that. She knew he loved her and would do anything for her. He was the perfect boyfriend. He would not even entertain the thought of cheating on her. She knew she was lucky to have him. He did not drink. She knew her competitor was Arsenal, a team he was passionate about about. She could live with that. He was a nice guy.

On few occassions, he would invite me to accompany her girl and him to a rave. I was a friend and colleague to the girl. He was a gentleman, the kind of guy another guy would think girls would date but we all know how nice guys fair on in the dating fraternity. We became good friends, not good enough to be boys but good enough for us to hug the way bros are supposed to hug. Not the way Kemboi hugged that French dude though. That is how the girl you have missed hugs you.

She lived in Ummo. One time, he had gone to visit her and someone unsuccesfully tried to steal his range rover’s side mirror. I do not know how much that thing costs but it must cost the same as a vitz and a year’s supply of fuel. He decided that his girlfriend would not live in an unsafe neighbourhood. Within a month, she had moved to Nairobi West in a fully furnished house. Her birthday was a few weeks away, and she got a car as a present. She was living a better life than her boss. And then she got pregnant!

They say that everyone is an aethiest until she misses her periods. As a guy, I have never understood Aunt Flo. Most girls hate when she visits and if she delays for a week, they get all worried. As someone else said, you know you have grown up when someone tells you she is pregnant and your first response is “Congratulations” rather than “isht, what happened?” After telling her congratulations, I had to use a seat to digest what she told me next.

As I was still picking my jaw from the floor, her boyfriend calls me. She whispers he doesn’t know yet. He wants to meet me urgently. That evening, we meet for drinks. Tusker for me, Fanta Orange for him. He tells me that he has reason to believe the love of his life is cheating on him. When he suspected, he asked guards to tell him of people who frequent her place. I was one of them. There was someone else who had spent the night in the house he is paying rent one too many times. He had pictures. I knew him.

The first thing I do when I get home is to call her. “What did you mean you are not sure who the father is?” was my hello. She owns up to cheating on her boyfriend with another colleague of ours. The guy I saw on the photos. I am too angry to talk to her. Her boyfriend was too good a person to be treated that way. I hoped the kid was his.

She tells both of them separately that they are to be dads in about 38 weeks to gauge their reaction. She starts with the pilot who is very excited. He thinks she should move in with him in Karen because his child should have a father figure around. The side dish suggests abortion. And that is when all hell breaks loose. The girl goes ahead and tells him he was the side dish and that the real father of the baby is a rich pilot and other unmentionable insults.

I will never understand women. I do not know what the side dish did, which witch doctors he went to and what they gave him to give to her but he must tell me one day. Within two weeks, the girl had warmed to the side dish that ladies in the office who knew part of the story loathed her. The pilot on the other hand had known the side dish was a colleague of ours, and that sort of put me between a rock and a hard place because I had denied knowing him when he showed me his picture. That as it may, he had bigger problems to deal with. His girlfriend had not picked his calls for three days – as soon as she found out he knew actually – and I was “on leave.” The thing with one lie is that you have to come up with another to cover up for it.

I decided to sit her down and ask about her game plan. Somehow, she had decided to stay with the side dish whom she was not even sure if he loved her. She was not sure she loved him too. He was a bad guy, the pilot was a nice guy. And again, bad had truimphed over nice in this unfair world. At that point, my fist made contact with the wall at a speed that would rival that of light. Something had to be hit and I was not going to hit her. I felt sorry for the guy. Just then, the side dish interrupted our meeting. We did not like each other and I never cared. Now, I hated him even more.

Tell him I will pay back everything he has done for you!” was his salutation. I felt that was the joke of the year. His salary was less than the rent the pilot was paying for her every month. The bigger joke was the girl falling for that nonesence. In no time, the pilot was calling. “Tell him we shall pay him everything!” she said, handing over the phone to the side dish as I slapped myself to see if I would wake up. As I left the room, I could hear the insults the side dish was throwing mainly because he had decided to proove he is a man by raising his voice. What surprised me was that she did not stop him. And knowing the pilot, I am sure he just sat thare and listened. A few minutes later, the side dish left in a hurry with the keys of the car the pilot had bought her. Apparently, to return it.

Where is the happy ending part, you may ask? As long as it is a nice guy verses a bad guy, there is none and there will be none. Bad guys win again as nice guys help Jepkosgei in finishing last.

THE DAY’S QUOTES:

1950: I want to show you a night out under the stars by the lake. Wouldn’t that be fine? 2012: Here’s a picture of my shaved cock. – Anonymous

That is the last [curse word] time I take dating advice from a muscle that pumps blood throughout my body. – Anonymous

I’d suck as a Christian because there’s no way I’m not ending every prayer with “…and please kill the [curse word] out of shitty people.” – Anonymous

The War Against Cancer

Cancer is a journey, but you walk the road alone.  There are many places to stop along the way and get nourishment – you just have to be willing to take it.  ~Emily Hollenberg

I have never been scared all my life. Forget aliens people, we may have more problems on our hands and I am not even talking about poverty, stupidity and stupidity (the latter has to be mentioned twice due to its abundance). Early today as I was busy doing nothing and basically just minding my own business, my eyes stumbled on mcgothic_‘s tweets. For those who may not know much about her, myself included, she is the self proclaimed chairperson of team forever alone. Not only that, her 15 year old niece has been ill but doctors have been doing tests to determine what was wrong. Finally, the results came in. She had a cancerous tumour and her ovary had to be removed. Problem is the cancer has spread to her urethra already.

 

How is that for a first paragraph, and I am not even done yet. Last week, milonare‘s dad passed on. The culprit? Cancer of course. The week before last, Caleb who had been battling leukaemia before losing the fight was laid to rest. And the week before, I had to go visit a former colleague who is battling rectal cancer. Now, tell me how in anything’s name I should not be scared to the bone.

 

According to a policy brief on the situation of cancer in Kenya, over 50 people die of cancer in the country everyday. Add to the fact that both of the Ministers in charge of health matters in the country were both diagnosed with cancer, then the problem is probably bigger than it seems. My view is that the human race is losing the war against cancer. I do not think we have a chance of beating cancer if our efforts are more on curative measures rather than preventive. However, it is not known what causes cancer. Scientists only know of factors that enhances the risk of one being diagnosed with it.

 

The question I have to ask is, is there anything we can do to fight this disease? I think yes. Personally, I will try and understand it as much as I can. The basics that is, or what I need to know. In the process, I will be throwing whatever I learn here in posts to come. That is my first bullet to the menace. Hopefully, I will find myself other fighters out there and we shall take on the disease like it takes our cells once it attacks. 

THE DAY’S

Bonus: The World Cancer Day is commemorated on my birthday. I think that is the only sign I need to sign up for this war.

Operation Get Maoga A Smile

This post was originally posted by savvykenya here

 

To understand why I am doing this, please read this post: I Need Your Help.

Maoga is a young man from the previous post who had his jaw removed during surgery to remove a lymphatic tumor.

Maoga with his mother before surgery

After the surgery, I visited him at Kenyatta National Hospital.

Maoga at KNH after his surgery

Today I have spoken with his father. He tells me the surgery to replace his jaw will cost Kshs. 150,000. Yesterday night, the informal settlement he is staying at in Nairobi was demolished by the authorities.

Even if I do win the Kshs.50,000 (I’m told votes alone may not be the judging criteria), we’re still short by Kshs.100,000.

It is because of this that I have decided to ask for your help: MPESA. Send to the number 0727 832685, it’s my number. I will give you a full report. If 200 people reading this send Kshs 1000, that’s Kshs.200,000. If 1000 people send 200 bob each, that’s still Kshs.200,000.

P.S. If you are a blogger, please REBLOG and let’s commence operation Give Maoga a Smile.

For other readers: RETWEET, SHARE on your FB walls, send your 2 cents, do something.

Days of a Thief…

In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity – Hunter S. Thompson

My name is The Greatrnk. If you have never heard of me, kindly check yourself in the nearest mental hospital. I know some of you have missed me, well, it is only natural. There are others who did not miss me. Well, as the saying goes, in every market place, there is a mad man, and I am not the one who came up with that saying. I have a one way ticket to hell for you who did not miss me. I am nice, I know. I give gifts to those who do not deserve them. Back to the important people: those who missed me. Guys, kindly help out in preparing for my welcome-back bash, as the pretty girls queue up for hugs  and the more pretty ones for kisses. In the meantime, let me tell you what you all do not want to hear. And can someone please manage that queue of those girls awaiting my hugs and kisses. And get that gay guy away from that queue.

While I had gone to visit my relatives back in Messier 31 (those who are using Google maps to find out where I am from had better stop. That is a planet in another galaxy, Andromeda, which is 2.5 million light years away from the milky way), several things happened. Now, come on, ladies and gentlemen, you did not think I was from this planet, did you? On that note, do Scientists know how stupid they sound when they tell us that light from stars which are 2.5 million years ago started travelling 2.5 million years ago. Really? Anyway, I have seen that blogging has changed a little bit since I went away, and the in-thing nowadays (especially with the up and coming bloggers some of whom will make it big or not) is to start by writing two paragraphs then in the third they start with the words “I digress.”

I digress to tell you this true story.

He bade farewell to his wife, not knowing he would not be seeing her again, unless they meet in hell if she decides to visit him if she made it to heaven. He was going for a teachers’ trip for the weekend. She missed him even before he left. He left all the same.

*

She was waiting for him. It did not matter to her that he was married. “Keep the certificate, I have the man,” she always wished she could tell his wife. She knew the wife loved him, but he loved her and not his wife. She was done preparing his favourite meal for dinner when he knocked on the door. She was going to spend the weekend with the man of her dreams, Kevin.

*

The plans were in place. They needed not go over them over and over again. They had one plan and it had worked the last four times. This time round, they were going to rob a bigger house. They had heard that the local residents had met a few weeks ago and made plans on how to arrest the insecurity menace. This, however, would not deter their mission.

*

Kevin was awoken by the shouts of “mwizi, mwizi!” His manly instincts, to impress a girl by pretending to protect her, sprang him into action. He could not heed to her advice to remain in the house, even though he was telling her the very same thing. He knew that she kept no known weapon, so he left with her kitchen knife.

*

This time, they were determined to get the thieves at whatever cost. The group comprised of middle aged men – heads of families making sure their homes are not next to be robbed – with all sorts of crude weapons. “I can see them,” someone whispered. “Where?” The others asked. No sooner had he answered, than they bumped into a man with a kitchen knife. “Here is one of them!” Kevin did not have time to explain himself. The twenty or so men rained blows and kicks on him. The crude weapons were well utilised. After all, no one in the group knew him, and only one other person in the neighbourhood knew him. How he wished she could defy his orders and come out. Atleast they knew her. She must have been thinking the thieves have been apprehended and Kevin is helping in teaching them a lesson.

*

Someone knocked at her house. They were looking for petrol or kerosene to burn one of the thieves that had been caught. Even though she did not want to open the door, she knew Kevin would not mind. She only had kerosene in a jerry can, so she gave it out. It must be safe to venture out, she thought to herself. In any case, Kevin was not to familiar with the place, and she had to go make sure he gets back home. She put on something warm and carried a jacket for him. She had to see the thief before he was burnt. She left the house in a hurry. She could see smoke in a distance. About a quarter a mile away, the thief of a forbidden fruit, her Kevin, was being cremated!

THE DAY’S QUOTES:

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice – Anonymous

Facebook does not ruin relationships, getting caught in your lies does.

My 5 Links

This was an initiative started by Egichomo here. You simply post five links to certain posts as done below then tag about  five bloggers to do the same. Here goes:

Most Popular Post: Why a Kenyan Revolution will Never Happen

This post was written a few days before February 28th. If we can all remember, The Arab revolution was sweeping through countries such as Tunisia and Egypt. Back home, people sort to come up with something that would make Kenyans stand up and tell the political elite that enough was enough. February 28th was chosen as the day in which we would sing the national anthem at 1PM. This post by cdooh sort to explain why a Kenyan revolution would never happen. As we speak, I do not know what became of the Kenya Feb 28th initiative, but I suppose, as a country, we have had to address other more pressing issues.

Post That Did Not Get The Attention It Deserved: The Journey

This is a poem by beenduta. I leave it to you to interpret it as you deem fit.

Post Whose Success Surprised Me: Review: Twitter App LMAO!

This is a review of the twitter API LMAO! that was made by Amasy. The reason why it’s success was such a surprise is because the person who wrote the post, greatrnk, is not such a tech person. As a result, the review was more of an ordinary review rather than a technical one.

Most Controversial Post: The Unspoken Rules of The ‘Kalocal’

This is not a controversial post, since there has not been one written here yet. However, I believe this post by Deestinguished will win if a poll of the most controversial post is done. This is a post which gives some rules on how to conduct ourselves when visiting our various ‘kalocal’

Post I Am Proud Of: Martha aka Thatcher Karua: Is Change Here?

This was the very first post on this blog. It was written by Justalffie just after Mike Sonko and Kabogo had been elected Members of Parliament in by-elections.

I tag the following (who are more than five. Rules are made to be broken!)

Cdooh who blogs at Private Thoughts of A Young Kenyan

Greatrnk who blogs at The Greatrnk

Justalffie who blogs at In His Mind

Deestinguished who blogs at Life In Paragraphs

Beenduta who blogs at Bee Illustrated

Pre7amer who blogs at Pre 7’ame’ers Blog

Ascofu who blogs at Ascofu at Work

Antwarogue who blogs at Rogue Blog