Friend Zone – A Guys Guide To

What is a “Friend zone” (n)? This is the phrase (I have no idea who should get credit for coining it) that describes the point of the relationship between a male and a female that offers no progression beyond what is – ‘just friends!’ 

And so by extension and association, to “Friend zone” (v) is the act of putting one into this ‘box’ of ‘just friends!’ 

Friend zoning can be very frustrating and deflating, especially if the party being friend zoned was hopeful of ‘something more’. To the party ‘friend zoning’, I assume it easier to take in. I, however, doubt it’s just that easy.

This guide is from the male’s perspective so it may not be applicable for the females and is by no means definitive. All of the points mentioned here are all from experience – not just mine, but of many guys. You could view it as a preemptive approach to being ‘friend zoned’. Like they say, There are many ways to kill a rat – I subscribe to the method of making sure the rat is not born! 

So here goes – Friend zone – A Guy’s Guide To 

Be nice, be very nice

I could end this guide with just this one rule as all the others actually branch from this but I suppose I need to expound on it. 

You’ve heard it all before that ladies like nice guys, that’s always on their checklist. Truth is, they don’t like nice guys as partners … as husbands and best friends … Yes, just not boyfriends – this is a preserve of the ‘bad boy’. How they expect the bad boys to somehow end up being ‘nice guys’ once they are married is a mystery. Remember the line, “I can change him”? Well, we all know how that turns out.

 I have a theory on this, I think they prefer “bad boys” because ‘consistent disappointment is easier to handle than the occasional ones’ that nice guys come with, no matter how minute they maybe. Nice guys present them with a high standard that once they subscribe to, even a little tardiness will come off as a colossal disappointment. Nice guys are, more often than not, reliable and hence the slightest whiff of “disappointment” is cataclysmic by comparison. So you get them loving the ‘bad boys’ through the hurts and love they do. “Mr. Wrong” by Mary J. Blige ft Drake shows just how much they hold on, despite their knowing how wrong it is.

Being “Nice, very nice” will inevitably put you in the friend zone – guess who they’ll run to when they are in the hurting phase of her relationship? Preemptive strike One!

 Make the lady’s folks (brothers, sisters even parents) like you

As you can tell, this is only possible if you are “Nice, very nice” and genuinely so. By genuine I mean actually having genuine concern about her well-being. Being in good terms with her folks all but guarantees that she’ll friend zone you. Going against the folks is a mark of independence so as much as she may like you, the fact that her folks like you, kind of forces her not to consider you. Preemptive strike Two!

Her boyfriend should be your friend too … so much he considers you “safe” to hang out with her. This is a hard one and is advisable that you don’t go making it happen. If it happens, flow with it. If not, leave it at that. Point is you being a comfortable enough friend to her that she can mention you to him and he doesn’t get worried. This is not only a preemptive strike but safety net for you – you don’t want to be stabbed.

 Always be there for her, check up on her dating… how she’s doing, they are doing… be a good listener. – “Always” is a big word but it only means whenever you can, you be there for her when she calls on you. Especially in her low moments. Hang out, movies, coffee and stuff doesn’t hurt. This is just being “Nice, very nice” in detail. She can’t consider, at least not usually, you as more than ‘just a friend’ when you do all this. Preemptive strike Four!

WARNING:

 1. As much as she wouldn’t go out with you, she won’t take you going out with another quite well. She may become hostile to your girlfriend but maybe she’ll like her. No way of predicting this – just prep for both the best and worst.

 2. Never ever say you like them IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. If she were a status update, don’t like it! Say you “don’t dislike” … something just not that you like her. That will take you from ‘friend zone’ to outcast … enemy territory even!

 NOTE:

 The more perceptive of you will have picked up that this is another way of outlining what NOT to do if you do NOT want to be ‘Friend zoned’. So, take it how you see fit for you. This is not an exhaustive list, just what the ‘experiences’ common to me.

 An excerpt from an upcoming book, “A Guy’s Guide To Life” by EveryGuy for Everyguy … available soon … in your mind! ha!

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Day dreaming

I think you are sweeping me off my feet. Stop at that! Coz am too heavy to lift. You call me sweetness. I don’t know why. I call you weakness. Because I’m getting addicted – high. Am blushing. cheeks flushing. Am smiling, even at nothing……and am wishing more and more in your arms to be nestling. I’m not sure i like this feeling. Usually for addictions, there is no healing. Damn! i hate to write about you. I swear this is the last line, the last time.Because the more i do, my head wanders into the clouds – further.

© Ado Yiembo

Copy and pass “Day dreaming” around to your heart’s content,
but always post my Copyright notice above, correctly, both as  courtesy and as a legal necessity to protect any writer. Thank you.

 

Find More Writings by Dyiembo here

My Beloved by Kiarii

My beloved you are mine and I, yours,

Hold my gaze with your mysterious blackness

Enchant me with the mystery of your darkness

For the shine of your face is like polished ebony

Like an African night in a moonless sky.

 

Bewitch me with the mischief of your wink,

And the flutter of your lovely lashes,

While your eyes twinkle like stars of my black skies.

Bind me with the beauty of your look,

And the love so intent in the look of your eyes.

 

Undo me with magic of your tongue,

In a sweet love ballad, a lazy whisper,

And the curl of your lips as you pout,

In a mock sulk, like the baby you are-

A young heart in a woman’s dress.

 

Blind me with the shine of your smile,

And the glint of your teeth in a merry grin,

In mischievous sneer or unbridled happiness,

Bright as a milky way in a moonless night,

Lighting my night when the moon won’t shine.

 

Mesmerize me with the dance in your step,

And the sway of your hips in measured walk,

The heave of your bosom in unbridled laughter,

The angelic crane of your neck, like a painter’s model

And I’ll paint you on the tablet of my heart.

 

I am amazed by the humility in your heart.

And the genius of your sober mind.

Though fairer than most, even all,

Like a bridled horse you rein your pride,

In measured words and careful steps.

 

My beloved I am yours and you, mine

A willing captive of your endless charm,

I’ll ever explore the mystery you are.

My beloved I am yours and you, mine,

To ever love, to ever cherish and forever hold.

 

 

Find more writings by Kiarii here

 

To you with love

If ever two were one, then surely we,

If ever man were loved by me, then thee,

If ever woman was happy in a man,

Compare with me women if you can.

I prize your love more than mines of gold,

or all the riches the world does hold.

My love is such that riches cannot quench.

Nor should. Love from you i do recompense.

Your love is such that i can in no way repay.

heavens reward you many times i pray.

Then while we live, lets persevere in love.

That when we live no more our love may live ever.

© Ado Yiembo

Copy and pass “To You With Love” around to your heart’s content,but always post my Copyright notice above, correctly, thank you, as both a courtesy and a legal necessity to protect any writer.